From the class After Religion · Spring 2022
My name is Kasper Bielecki. I am Polish-American and have been raised Catholic. My education has largely been within organizations and communities that propagated this Catholic faith. I went to Catholic School from grades 2-12 and went to a Polish Saturday school that was also affiliated with Catholicism. Outside of school I also participated in catholic-related extracurricular activities such as summer camps, scouts, and youth groups. At the end of every day, I would go home to my Catholic family.
I would describe my family, particularly the generations before that of mine and my siblings as very religious, particularly the women. I received most if not all of my religious home education from them. To this day they remain practicing Catholics who go to church every Sunday and expect everyone to follow suit. One reason as to why this generation of my family is so religiously inclined could be the fact that they were all born and raised in Poland, a Catholic country. As I have gotten older I have moved away from that Catholicism.
I remember being in middle school when I was introduced to the idea that Catholicism was not the only option. Class-mates of mine began proudly proclaiming they did not believe in God and this was something that I had never considered before as a possibility. This is probably where the questioning of my faith began and sprouted. I started to consider why I believed and whether or not those beliefs were founded. During 8th - 9th grade I had become hyper-critical of religion as a whole. I had spent enough time immersing myself in critics of religion such as Richard Dawkins that I had, in my opinion, over-corrected. I was at this point an atheist.
During my time as an atheist, I think I became the common stereotype associated with that very group. I was very defensive, edgy, and loud about my beliefs or rather, lack thereof. I would not stay this way for long. I remember in 9th grade I was smugly walking around with a copy of “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins, a book that wants to be displayed proudly, with a shiny reflective dustcover. One day, I was reading that book in the class of my favorite teacher, Mr. Hafker, an English teacher. Mr. Hafker spotted the book and as a devout Catholic himself, challenged the message of the book in a constructive manner. One part of the interaction made a huge impression on me and I have never forgotten it. Mr. Hafker asked me, “Kasper if you do not believe in the afterlife then how can you believe in everlasting love?” This question spoke to me, challenged me and it is largely responsible for the next steps I took in my spiritual journey.
After that powerful interaction, I had realized that I effectively traded in blind faith in one religion for another. I was being no more critical or logical in my life as an atheist than I was in my life as a Catholic. I traded in a bible for another shiny book that I could tie my beliefs to. Despite realizing that neither of these paths led to something I was happy calling the truth I have gained much valuable experience from both. So with my newfound criticism for atheism, I had actually latched onto an idea in the introduction to “The God Delusion”. There, Dawkins describes a spectrum of theism where 0 represents full confidence in the existence of a deity and 10 represents full confidence in the lack of a deity. He continued to classify himself on that spectrum as a 9, living his life to the extent and purpose that there is no deity but never claiming that one does not exist. I had found agnosticism.
Today, I still identify with agnosticism and I believe that it is the system that is best for me. I try my best to never claim belief in any infallible statements or anything that could be cut away by Newtons’ Flaming Laser Sword. Unlike the typical wielder of said sword, however, I do enjoy asking and pondering such questions, but never claiming to know the answer.
Sometimes I think about how I might teach the next generation about religion and spirituality. I think religion has added a lot to my life and been beneficial in certain ways however I also think it has been detrimental and damaging in others. It can provide good role models and tell stories that have good morals but it also can do the opposite. The dangerous part is when these beliefs, one way or the other, influence people to impose on each other in a negative fashion. I also enjoy the concept of holidays, however it becomes hard to justify celebrating certain holidays when you do not believe in the history but only in the spirit and general concepts behind them. If I would have any say in the spirituality of the next generation it would be for them to be exploratory of past practices in spirituality through a constructively critical lens. They should never be afraid to question their beliefs. Any belief worth believing in should gladly hold up to questioning and if it doesn’t then you will be one step closer to finding one that might. These conclusions might not always be easy ones to accept but they might lead to an inevitable truth that can be beautiful in its own way. If without an afterlife love can not be everlasting then love is that much more precious while you can experience it. Maybe it could be more meaningful to focus on loving as much as you can today since you might not be able to tomorrow. Maybe how your life is remembered by others is the only afterlife you are afforded.